Mommy Post 2

It has been quite some time since I have written.  We had our first ultrasound and then went on our vacation to Nags Head and three days later I headed to Boston for work.  So many times I have wanted to blog, but never had the chance or rather, I need to take the time to blog here, as I don't want to forget this special time.
On July 24th, we had our very first ultrasound and saw our little baby, so very clear.  I was a nervous wreck.  for some reason I was convinced that I was having twins and it was an etopic pregnancy.  I had no idea why I had it in my head but I was CONVINCED.  Dan met me at the building and I think we both were a little nervous.  The good news is that I didn't have to get blood work that day (two weeks later though...) and the bad news is that my midwife was sick (the nerve of her! LOL).  While in the waiting room we pulled up her profile online and she seemed ok.
The called us back and they did my vitals and then brought us in the doctor's office for questions.  It was right then and there I noticed a huge difference in a doctor and a midwife.  Let me state how much I adore my midwife.  I LOVE her.  On my annual checkup, she was with me for an HOUR and at the largest hospital in the city (the number 1) I was not expecting that treatment whatsoever.  She is amazing and we have such similar philosophies.  When she went to examine me, I was beyond relaxed and comfortable with her, it was ridiculous.  She was like an old friend.
This doctor, while smart, wasn't really in sync with Dan and I and our philosophy.  She also didn't pick up the fact I was a nervous wreck and this was our first child.  We answered a TON of questions and then Dan and I went to yet another room for the exam.  I seriously was shaking like a leaf.  She does the internal and I was so tense.  She then was ready for the ultrasound and I think I just shut my eyes ready to hear the bad news.  I then heard her say (in a not so loving way, mind you...), "Well, there it is."
She then turned the screen to Dan and I (who had the camera phone open and was snapping away) and we saw a VERY clear picture of our baby.  It took my breath away.  We saw the head, body, feet, legs, arms, hands, and a very very rapid heartbeat.  I kept asking if it was just one and if it was where it was supposed to be.  I think I asked so much that the nurse was like, "Did you WANT twins?"  Dan and I said in unison, "NO!"
She snapped some pictures while saying how her roommate in college had 8 kids and she's like, "who knows why people want that many kids...".  All the while snapping picture of MY child.  Thanks, doc.  How about if you stick with hystorectomies.  The ONE compliment she gave me was that it is very rare that she sees an ultrasound as clear as ours.  She cannot remember the last time she saw one that clear.  Coming from her, it was the equivilent to her saying our child is destined for greatness of some sort.
We left the room and made our follow-up appointment and when they asked with who we both said the name of our midwife.  We arranged it so that we see her this Friday before she goes on a weeklong vacation.
During our appointment, after she saw the baby (or maybe even before) the doctor discussed the optional genetic testing we could do (NT scan).  She talked about mostly the pros about it, but I was well aware of the high false positives that test gives.  She sent us home with pictures of our baby and tons of information.
On the elevator ride down from the third floor to the ground floor, we made the decision to not do more testing.  We were on the same page right off the bat.
This is likely to be my last pregnancy and we would like it not riddled with stress, anxiety, and worry.  While others chose to do it for a variety of reasons, it's not for us.
Seeing the ultrasound truly does put things into perspective of when life starts.  At 9 weeks, it is clearly not a blob on a screen.  It is a moving living human being.  It rocked my liberal mind.
We walked out of the appointment and we both, I think shocked with the way we felt.  I don't think either of us felt this amazing sense of love that we thought we would.  We were focused on the health aspect and the logistics of it all.  We both felt guilty not feeling more "in love" with our baby.  I think it made it incredibly real.  It was not just a line on a pregnancy test.  We were taking in the gravity of how our life was about to change.
Clearly everyone was wanting to see the picture and hear all about the appointment.  My parents were thrilled and so was his dad and stepmom.  Everyone was so happy it was contagious for sure.
My evening sickies was pretty consistently happening every night around 5pm and once a week feel like crap starting at around 1pm.
Right after our appointment we headed to vacation to Nags Head.  It was not the most relaxing vacation since we were with a bunch of other people, but Sterling had the week of her life.  She was in heaven on the beach every day.  Dan and I had a great night out and had an awesome lobster and crab dinner.
It was well needed.