Mommy Post 3

I am trying to be a better Mommy blogger.  I need to make this a priority each day.
I'd like to make it a priority for sure.
I'm almost out of my first trimester and things are a bit snug these days which is so rare for me...usually 4'11 and 110 pounds of me.
Friday we had our midwife appointment. I was THRILLED to see our midwife and for Dan to meet her. They hit it off right away making jokes and everything.  Dan was so much more at ease this time around.  I can't say enough great things about the practice.  We are so lucky.
We sat and talked and told her I have been eating gluten and not healthy things as much as I should.  Dan is no longer buying me Cheez Wiz or any sort of crap.  I "fell off the wagon".  I am back on it thankfully and feel good about it.
After some conversation, we decided to do a ultrasound instead of the doppler in case she couldn't get a good reading of the baby and have be lose my mind.
I was laying on the table and Dan and my midwife could see the screen and I could not, just Dan's face.  I wish I had my camera.  I will never ever forget his face when he saw the baby on the screen.  It was pure happiness and love mixed with pride.  This little one, the size of a peach, has truly wiggled their way into our hearts already.  They FINALLY turned the screen to show me and I was completely in utter shock and massively in love with our little baby.  It already is a crazy love I have.  I have been holding my breath for weeks and when I saw him/her dancing and wiggling and moving and hands by their face I was in awe.  If I doubted in God, this would have changed my mind in that moment.  How else could you explain the creation of a human being?
We put it on facebook last night and the outpouring of love is remarkable.  People keep saying how this is a lucky baby to have us.  Contrary to what they think, Dan and I are the lucky ones...this baby is nowhere as lucky as we are.
I think up until the appointment on Friday I was almost afraid to connect (this is me being brutally honest). That if something happened I wouldn't be as attached.  It sounds silly, but it's how I felt. The wall began to chip away on a flight home from Boston last week and then on Friday it came crashing down when I looked at Dan as he looked at his child...really looked at his baby for the first time.  I fell in love with him even more than I already was.  I can't even imagine when I see him hold our baby.
We are still living our lives day to day to the fullest. We hit a little road block with our girl Sterling on Saturday.  It turns out she has very mild neurological disease in her spine.  I took the news hard but she will receive rehab therapy and she is on Neurotin.  Last night I had a very vivid about Dan's mother telling me she is watching over all of us and to please, please not worry about Sterling and the baby.  She is guarding all of us.  I woke up with such peace and calm.  Today at work has been light and pleasant...no drama or urgency. I caught up with three of my best friends which feeds my soul.
I will leave you with a picture of our very active child.  They would not stop moving to get an accurate heartbeat for a while!