This week you are the size of a lemon! I disagree with your dad that a lemon is actually bigger than a peach. :)
This weekend we got the Mainline Today magazine and looked at all of the great schools in the area. Can you believe that we are starting to plan for your education already? We are writing down what is important to us in education for you. We want you to grow in an environment that has you grow into your own person and fosters curiosity and learning at your own pace. We want diversity and for you to be challenged without being pushed.
Today I spoke to the Director of Admissions at one of the top private schools in the area. She was wonderful and we are going to meet for coffee next month. Dad thinks I am nuts. This is for the girls school, so if in fact you are a boy, we will have to shelf this. :)
I have to say, talking about your education makes me so happy. I can't wait for you to grow and learn. That is the best part of being a parent...watching you grow. Nothing is more important than you happiness to me. We were with your grandparents on Saturday night talking about the school choices we are making for you. Your Pop Pop and I love talking about education...we left at 11:30pm! Dad and grandmom are a little more laid back about it.
I just want you to know that even though you are so tiny right now, you are so loved and I can't wait to show you this incredible world and watch you learn and explore. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I couldn't love you more. The world is already a better place because of you.
All my love,
Mommy
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Monday, 26 August 2013
Thursday, 22 August 2013
First Blog Letter to My Baby
My little Peach,
This week you measure the size of a peach. It's incredible since it seems that you were just the size of a poppyseed not that long ago. You are 12 weeks and 5 days old now. It seems you are pretty comfortable inside mommy. I have only had minor cramping and no bleeding. The bleeding would have freaked me out for sure in the early weeks.
We got to see you last Friday. We were not expecting to see you for several more weeks but our wonderful midwife thought it would be best to check you out on the screen and see your heartbeat and hear it as well. Daddy wasn't even going to go to the appointment but it was the first time we were to hear you, so he did. Honestly, I doubt he will miss any of them after the last one. They had the screen towards Michelle and dad so I couldn't see you, just dad's face. I can't explain it, but he totally fell in love with you that day. You had your hands by your head and covered it like saying, "Already with the pictures, geez!" We saw you move and stretch and dance around (clearly you have better moves than either of us...you must take after some long lost cuban relative). Your heartbeat was 150 which was nice and good. We are already so proud of how much you have grown...moving right along.
I am doing the best I can to be without stress over the next few months. It has been hard with some drama with your big doggie sister Sterling needing some extra TLC and work stresses me out from time to time. Each night though, I make sure that we have some you and me time before I go to sleep. We listen to music and I just relax. I hope this gets you in a good nighttime routine too!
We announced that you are coming to the world this weekend. Everyone is so thrilled. You are so very loved by so many people, you have no idea. Lots of people are saying what a lucky baby you are (you may read this one day and roll your eyes, I get it) but honestly, daddy and me are the lucky ones. We are beyond honored that you chose us to be your parents. We will do the best we can. We have already started planning for your future but take it each day at a time. What I can promise you is that we will do our very best to make sure that we nurture YOU, and not what we want you to be. My only wishes for you is that you learn to be compassionate, give of yourself, love with all you have, and listen to your heart, not your head. Everything else will follow. I can't tell you that disappointment and suffering will not exist, but it shapes who you are and will serve you in life. I'd like you to have a fun life filled with laughter and surround yourself with those who love you as much as you love them. You have a wonderful support team around you to help you achieve whatever you want to achieve. Material things come and go, it's what's inside that counts.
I have a binder full of letters that I started writing you since 2004! Can you believe it?
Know you have been wanted and wished for, for so very long. You are the best thing that has ever happened to your father and me. You have cracked open a part of our hearts we didn't know was closed.
All My Love,
Mommy
This week you measure the size of a peach. It's incredible since it seems that you were just the size of a poppyseed not that long ago. You are 12 weeks and 5 days old now. It seems you are pretty comfortable inside mommy. I have only had minor cramping and no bleeding. The bleeding would have freaked me out for sure in the early weeks.
We got to see you last Friday. We were not expecting to see you for several more weeks but our wonderful midwife thought it would be best to check you out on the screen and see your heartbeat and hear it as well. Daddy wasn't even going to go to the appointment but it was the first time we were to hear you, so he did. Honestly, I doubt he will miss any of them after the last one. They had the screen towards Michelle and dad so I couldn't see you, just dad's face. I can't explain it, but he totally fell in love with you that day. You had your hands by your head and covered it like saying, "Already with the pictures, geez!" We saw you move and stretch and dance around (clearly you have better moves than either of us...you must take after some long lost cuban relative). Your heartbeat was 150 which was nice and good. We are already so proud of how much you have grown...moving right along.
I am doing the best I can to be without stress over the next few months. It has been hard with some drama with your big doggie sister Sterling needing some extra TLC and work stresses me out from time to time. Each night though, I make sure that we have some you and me time before I go to sleep. We listen to music and I just relax. I hope this gets you in a good nighttime routine too!
We announced that you are coming to the world this weekend. Everyone is so thrilled. You are so very loved by so many people, you have no idea. Lots of people are saying what a lucky baby you are (you may read this one day and roll your eyes, I get it) but honestly, daddy and me are the lucky ones. We are beyond honored that you chose us to be your parents. We will do the best we can. We have already started planning for your future but take it each day at a time. What I can promise you is that we will do our very best to make sure that we nurture YOU, and not what we want you to be. My only wishes for you is that you learn to be compassionate, give of yourself, love with all you have, and listen to your heart, not your head. Everything else will follow. I can't tell you that disappointment and suffering will not exist, but it shapes who you are and will serve you in life. I'd like you to have a fun life filled with laughter and surround yourself with those who love you as much as you love them. You have a wonderful support team around you to help you achieve whatever you want to achieve. Material things come and go, it's what's inside that counts.
I have a binder full of letters that I started writing you since 2004! Can you believe it?
Know you have been wanted and wished for, for so very long. You are the best thing that has ever happened to your father and me. You have cracked open a part of our hearts we didn't know was closed.
All My Love,
Mommy
Tuesday, 20 August 2013
Things They Don't Tell You About Pregnancy...Part 1
I am 34 and will be 35 when we deliver our baby. I am one of the last of my girlfriends to go through pregnancy so I am fortunate to have had hear them talk about it over the years but still there has been so much I have learned over the past 13 weeks and I am SURE there will be A LOT MORE.
- People ask THE most private questions after you announce your pregnancy. Only a handful of people (my parents age more than anyone) have asked if we are going to get married. The BIGGEST question both me and Dan get is: Were you trying? I am not kidding you. Or the variation of that: Was this planned? Here's my beef with this question...among the complete rudeness of it all, HOW is that your business of what goes on with the private relationship of me and Dan? At first we sort of went with it and stumbled upon our answer...not because we were not confident, but because the question, I feel is so appalling and private. I am not sure the answer people are looking for, and honestly it is NEVER from our friends. It was always from acquaintances, isn't that strange? I remember on the beach in Nags Head, I met one of Dan's high school girl friends and within 15 minutes she asked if we were trying. I decided right after that, that was the LAST time I answer that question. Since then we have gotten it a few times and my answer is now, "that is a very private question between Dan and me". That typically shuts people down. I had one friend ask me and I said that, and she stumbled and said, but we are friends and share that stuff and I simply said AGAIN, that's between Dan and me and to please respect that. GEEZ!
- Constipation. Yeah, I said it. It's real and AWFUL. Thankfully it comes and goes. The trick are baby wipes and lots of water and some prayer.
- It's nothing like the movies. I think television/media sets you up for the "extremes". I am fortunate that I have only thrown up a handful of times...but I also have an autoimmune so not sure how out of the ordinary it is for me to toss my cookies at least once a month. I had the "sickies" around 4-5 each night. Some nights were worse than others and about once I week I felt like poo for most of the day. You just need to find out what works for you. And let me tell you, it's probably not what worked for your mom or your best friend. My midwife suggested a half of a Unisom tab and B6 vitamin. PTL! That worked well and I had zofran for those days where nothing helped...it worked but please see the above bullet...that was the side effect. So I had to weigh my options...nausea or constipation. And 9 times out of 10, I chose the constipation.
- Speaking of the movies. Early on I started sobbing at Cheerios commercials, documentaries, you name it. I lost it reading a book in Barnes and Noble one night where a manager had to come up to me asking if I needed medical attention. Your emotions are ALL over the place. Forget about listening to music! I had to pull over one day when Bette Midler's From a Distance came on the radio since I was crying so hard. Now that I am almost in my second trimester, it's evened out a little...but saw a YouTube video last night and cried my eyes out.
- The love isn't always instant. When I went to our first ultrasound, I think Dan and I went into thinking that we would be in tears falling in love with our child. When we saw it on the screen, it was more of relief. We saw the heartbeat, the arms, feet and everything else, but it made it so real and truly overwhelming. We left the appointment and talked in the elevator and made some big decisions regarding extra testing and decided rather quickly we were not doing extra testing, etc. Whatever God has given us, is what we are meant to have and we can handle. When I went back home to my office and he went to work we connected online and both of us thought we would feel differently than we did. We just felt a sense of responsibility and relief. We felt guilty we were not "in love" yet. Little did we know that it would come in a few weeks, no doubt but I learned that everyone feels differently and that's perfectly fine.
- Your body is not your own anymore. I lived a pretty healthy lifestyle. I ran daily; I ate gluten free, processed free, organic food. I fell off the wagon so to speak. Fried chicken, BREAD!, McDonalds breakfast sandwiches, CHEEZ WIZ, hoagies, hot dogs...off the WAGON BIG TIME. Safe to say, I am back on the wagon eating mostly gf and eating fruit and "trying" to eat vegetables. I have loved lemonade, lemons, lemon water ice, but HATE my typical grapefruit. So weird.
- Be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up if you want to go to bed at 8pm (or 7). If you NEED tater tots with cheez wiz (purely hypothetical :)) have some in moderation. Listen to your body. You are making a child and it's not in your head. You are making brain cells, feet, arms, organs...It's a big freaking process!
- STAY HYDRATED. Drink a lot of water. It helps with sickness and constipation.
- Listen to all advice but then take what you want from it all. I have gotten both solicited and unsolicited advice. Some of it very helpful and some I am letting by the wayside. As everybody is different, pregnancy in each woman is different too.
- Mommy wars do exist and to be honest there are no bad moms (I mean, with the exception of abusive mommies!). As my oldest friend, Lauren, said...buckle up. I am very quick to not judge moms anymore. I think we all are doing our best. Just because a mom is a stay at home mom, doesn't make her a better mom than one who works outside the home. Just because one mom formula feeds, doesn't make her a worse mom than a breastfeeding one. We are all doing our best. Period. End of story. I think if I would have had a baby in my 20s I would be so caught up in it, but now I will be an "older" mom, I don't have time for that kind of competition.
- Men take longer to connect that women. I keep hearing how men don't really feel like dads until the day they meet their baby. I was fortunate that last week, Dan really started to connect so the day of the birth I think will take it to the next level.
Monday, 19 August 2013
Mommy Post 3
I am trying to be a better Mommy blogger. I need to make this a priority each day.
I'd like to make it a priority for sure.
I'm almost out of my first trimester and things are a bit snug these days which is so rare for me...usually 4'11 and 110 pounds of me.
Friday we had our midwife appointment. I was THRILLED to see our midwife and for Dan to meet her. They hit it off right away making jokes and everything. Dan was so much more at ease this time around. I can't say enough great things about the practice. We are so lucky.
We sat and talked and told her I have been eating gluten and not healthy things as much as I should. Dan is no longer buying me Cheez Wiz or any sort of crap. I "fell off the wagon". I am back on it thankfully and feel good about it.
After some conversation, we decided to do a ultrasound instead of the doppler in case she couldn't get a good reading of the baby and have be lose my mind.
I was laying on the table and Dan and my midwife could see the screen and I could not, just Dan's face. I wish I had my camera. I will never ever forget his face when he saw the baby on the screen. It was pure happiness and love mixed with pride. This little one, the size of a peach, has truly wiggled their way into our hearts already. They FINALLY turned the screen to show me and I was completely in utter shock and massively in love with our little baby. It already is a crazy love I have. I have been holding my breath for weeks and when I saw him/her dancing and wiggling and moving and hands by their face I was in awe. If I doubted in God, this would have changed my mind in that moment. How else could you explain the creation of a human being?
We put it on facebook last night and the outpouring of love is remarkable. People keep saying how this is a lucky baby to have us. Contrary to what they think, Dan and I are the lucky ones...this baby is nowhere as lucky as we are.
I think up until the appointment on Friday I was almost afraid to connect (this is me being brutally honest). That if something happened I wouldn't be as attached. It sounds silly, but it's how I felt. The wall began to chip away on a flight home from Boston last week and then on Friday it came crashing down when I looked at Dan as he looked at his child...really looked at his baby for the first time. I fell in love with him even more than I already was. I can't even imagine when I see him hold our baby.
We are still living our lives day to day to the fullest. We hit a little road block with our girl Sterling on Saturday. It turns out she has very mild neurological disease in her spine. I took the news hard but she will receive rehab therapy and she is on Neurotin. Last night I had a very vivid about Dan's mother telling me she is watching over all of us and to please, please not worry about Sterling and the baby. She is guarding all of us. I woke up with such peace and calm. Today at work has been light and pleasant...no drama or urgency. I caught up with three of my best friends which feeds my soul.
I will leave you with a picture of our very active child. They would not stop moving to get an accurate heartbeat for a while!
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I'd like to make it a priority for sure.
I'm almost out of my first trimester and things are a bit snug these days which is so rare for me...usually 4'11 and 110 pounds of me.
Friday we had our midwife appointment. I was THRILLED to see our midwife and for Dan to meet her. They hit it off right away making jokes and everything. Dan was so much more at ease this time around. I can't say enough great things about the practice. We are so lucky.
We sat and talked and told her I have been eating gluten and not healthy things as much as I should. Dan is no longer buying me Cheez Wiz or any sort of crap. I "fell off the wagon". I am back on it thankfully and feel good about it.
After some conversation, we decided to do a ultrasound instead of the doppler in case she couldn't get a good reading of the baby and have be lose my mind.
I was laying on the table and Dan and my midwife could see the screen and I could not, just Dan's face. I wish I had my camera. I will never ever forget his face when he saw the baby on the screen. It was pure happiness and love mixed with pride. This little one, the size of a peach, has truly wiggled their way into our hearts already. They FINALLY turned the screen to show me and I was completely in utter shock and massively in love with our little baby. It already is a crazy love I have. I have been holding my breath for weeks and when I saw him/her dancing and wiggling and moving and hands by their face I was in awe. If I doubted in God, this would have changed my mind in that moment. How else could you explain the creation of a human being?
We put it on facebook last night and the outpouring of love is remarkable. People keep saying how this is a lucky baby to have us. Contrary to what they think, Dan and I are the lucky ones...this baby is nowhere as lucky as we are.
I think up until the appointment on Friday I was almost afraid to connect (this is me being brutally honest). That if something happened I wouldn't be as attached. It sounds silly, but it's how I felt. The wall began to chip away on a flight home from Boston last week and then on Friday it came crashing down when I looked at Dan as he looked at his child...really looked at his baby for the first time. I fell in love with him even more than I already was. I can't even imagine when I see him hold our baby.
We are still living our lives day to day to the fullest. We hit a little road block with our girl Sterling on Saturday. It turns out she has very mild neurological disease in her spine. I took the news hard but she will receive rehab therapy and she is on Neurotin. Last night I had a very vivid about Dan's mother telling me she is watching over all of us and to please, please not worry about Sterling and the baby. She is guarding all of us. I woke up with such peace and calm. Today at work has been light and pleasant...no drama or urgency. I caught up with three of my best friends which feeds my soul.
I will leave you with a picture of our very active child. They would not stop moving to get an accurate heartbeat for a while!
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Mommy Post 2
It has been quite some time since I have written. We had our first ultrasound and then went on our vacation to Nags Head and three days later I headed to Boston for work. So many times I have wanted to blog, but never had the chance or rather, I need to take the time to blog here, as I don't want to forget this special time.
On July 24th, we had our very first ultrasound and saw our little baby, so very clear. I was a nervous wreck. for some reason I was convinced that I was having twins and it was an etopic pregnancy. I had no idea why I had it in my head but I was CONVINCED. Dan met me at the building and I think we both were a little nervous. The good news is that I didn't have to get blood work that day (two weeks later though...) and the bad news is that my midwife was sick (the nerve of her! LOL). While in the waiting room we pulled up her profile online and she seemed ok.
The called us back and they did my vitals and then brought us in the doctor's office for questions. It was right then and there I noticed a huge difference in a doctor and a midwife. Let me state how much I adore my midwife. I LOVE her. On my annual checkup, she was with me for an HOUR and at the largest hospital in the city (the number 1) I was not expecting that treatment whatsoever. She is amazing and we have such similar philosophies. When she went to examine me, I was beyond relaxed and comfortable with her, it was ridiculous. She was like an old friend.
This doctor, while smart, wasn't really in sync with Dan and I and our philosophy. She also didn't pick up the fact I was a nervous wreck and this was our first child. We answered a TON of questions and then Dan and I went to yet another room for the exam. I seriously was shaking like a leaf. She does the internal and I was so tense. She then was ready for the ultrasound and I think I just shut my eyes ready to hear the bad news. I then heard her say (in a not so loving way, mind you...), "Well, there it is."
She then turned the screen to Dan and I (who had the camera phone open and was snapping away) and we saw a VERY clear picture of our baby. It took my breath away. We saw the head, body, feet, legs, arms, hands, and a very very rapid heartbeat. I kept asking if it was just one and if it was where it was supposed to be. I think I asked so much that the nurse was like, "Did you WANT twins?" Dan and I said in unison, "NO!"
She snapped some pictures while saying how her roommate in college had 8 kids and she's like, "who knows why people want that many kids...". All the while snapping picture of MY child. Thanks, doc. How about if you stick with hystorectomies. The ONE compliment she gave me was that it is very rare that she sees an ultrasound as clear as ours. She cannot remember the last time she saw one that clear. Coming from her, it was the equivilent to her saying our child is destined for greatness of some sort.
We left the room and made our follow-up appointment and when they asked with who we both said the name of our midwife. We arranged it so that we see her this Friday before she goes on a weeklong vacation.
During our appointment, after she saw the baby (or maybe even before) the doctor discussed the optional genetic testing we could do (NT scan). She talked about mostly the pros about it, but I was well aware of the high false positives that test gives. She sent us home with pictures of our baby and tons of information.
On the elevator ride down from the third floor to the ground floor, we made the decision to not do more testing. We were on the same page right off the bat.
This is likely to be my last pregnancy and we would like it not riddled with stress, anxiety, and worry. While others chose to do it for a variety of reasons, it's not for us.
Seeing the ultrasound truly does put things into perspective of when life starts. At 9 weeks, it is clearly not a blob on a screen. It is a moving living human being. It rocked my liberal mind.
We walked out of the appointment and we both, I think shocked with the way we felt. I don't think either of us felt this amazing sense of love that we thought we would. We were focused on the health aspect and the logistics of it all. We both felt guilty not feeling more "in love" with our baby. I think it made it incredibly real. It was not just a line on a pregnancy test. We were taking in the gravity of how our life was about to change.
Clearly everyone was wanting to see the picture and hear all about the appointment. My parents were thrilled and so was his dad and stepmom. Everyone was so happy it was contagious for sure.
My evening sickies was pretty consistently happening every night around 5pm and once a week feel like crap starting at around 1pm.
Right after our appointment we headed to vacation to Nags Head. It was not the most relaxing vacation since we were with a bunch of other people, but Sterling had the week of her life. She was in heaven on the beach every day. Dan and I had a great night out and had an awesome lobster and crab dinner.
It was well needed.
On July 24th, we had our very first ultrasound and saw our little baby, so very clear. I was a nervous wreck. for some reason I was convinced that I was having twins and it was an etopic pregnancy. I had no idea why I had it in my head but I was CONVINCED. Dan met me at the building and I think we both were a little nervous. The good news is that I didn't have to get blood work that day (two weeks later though...) and the bad news is that my midwife was sick (the nerve of her! LOL). While in the waiting room we pulled up her profile online and she seemed ok.
The called us back and they did my vitals and then brought us in the doctor's office for questions. It was right then and there I noticed a huge difference in a doctor and a midwife. Let me state how much I adore my midwife. I LOVE her. On my annual checkup, she was with me for an HOUR and at the largest hospital in the city (the number 1) I was not expecting that treatment whatsoever. She is amazing and we have such similar philosophies. When she went to examine me, I was beyond relaxed and comfortable with her, it was ridiculous. She was like an old friend.
This doctor, while smart, wasn't really in sync with Dan and I and our philosophy. She also didn't pick up the fact I was a nervous wreck and this was our first child. We answered a TON of questions and then Dan and I went to yet another room for the exam. I seriously was shaking like a leaf. She does the internal and I was so tense. She then was ready for the ultrasound and I think I just shut my eyes ready to hear the bad news. I then heard her say (in a not so loving way, mind you...), "Well, there it is."
She then turned the screen to Dan and I (who had the camera phone open and was snapping away) and we saw a VERY clear picture of our baby. It took my breath away. We saw the head, body, feet, legs, arms, hands, and a very very rapid heartbeat. I kept asking if it was just one and if it was where it was supposed to be. I think I asked so much that the nurse was like, "Did you WANT twins?" Dan and I said in unison, "NO!"
She snapped some pictures while saying how her roommate in college had 8 kids and she's like, "who knows why people want that many kids...". All the while snapping picture of MY child. Thanks, doc. How about if you stick with hystorectomies. The ONE compliment she gave me was that it is very rare that she sees an ultrasound as clear as ours. She cannot remember the last time she saw one that clear. Coming from her, it was the equivilent to her saying our child is destined for greatness of some sort.
We left the room and made our follow-up appointment and when they asked with who we both said the name of our midwife. We arranged it so that we see her this Friday before she goes on a weeklong vacation.
During our appointment, after she saw the baby (or maybe even before) the doctor discussed the optional genetic testing we could do (NT scan). She talked about mostly the pros about it, but I was well aware of the high false positives that test gives. She sent us home with pictures of our baby and tons of information.
On the elevator ride down from the third floor to the ground floor, we made the decision to not do more testing. We were on the same page right off the bat.
This is likely to be my last pregnancy and we would like it not riddled with stress, anxiety, and worry. While others chose to do it for a variety of reasons, it's not for us.
Seeing the ultrasound truly does put things into perspective of when life starts. At 9 weeks, it is clearly not a blob on a screen. It is a moving living human being. It rocked my liberal mind.
We walked out of the appointment and we both, I think shocked with the way we felt. I don't think either of us felt this amazing sense of love that we thought we would. We were focused on the health aspect and the logistics of it all. We both felt guilty not feeling more "in love" with our baby. I think it made it incredibly real. It was not just a line on a pregnancy test. We were taking in the gravity of how our life was about to change.
Clearly everyone was wanting to see the picture and hear all about the appointment. My parents were thrilled and so was his dad and stepmom. Everyone was so happy it was contagious for sure.
My evening sickies was pretty consistently happening every night around 5pm and once a week feel like crap starting at around 1pm.
Right after our appointment we headed to vacation to Nags Head. It was not the most relaxing vacation since we were with a bunch of other people, but Sterling had the week of her life. She was in heaven on the beach every day. Dan and I had a great night out and had an awesome lobster and crab dinner.
It was well needed.
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