Catching up for the new year

So this year has been a series of highest of highs and lowest of lows.  With as much excitement we had bringing Elizabeth home, we suffered extreme sadness in September, specifically, September 11th, with the passing of Sterling. 
Those of you who followed me on my last blog know that Sterling was my world.  It was me and Sterling for many many years, alone in the city.  She was the first love of my life. 
Last summer we noticed she was dragging her toe of her left foot.  It really didn't slow her down, we just noticed it.  Gradually she started falling and walking with an odd gait.  As it turns out, she had a torn meniscus.  She had surgery last November.  I was on the fence about operating on a 9 year old Berner.  But she was in pain from it and I had to do something.  I prayed about it and made the best decision at the time.  She did NOT bounce back after it, in fact, it was AWFUL.  The pain medication seriously was terrible and she couldn't handle it.  Once we took her pain patch off, things started to improve.  She walked a bit after the surgery.  We did rehab-acupuncture, water therapy, massage, you name it...if it existed, we did it. 
She had good days and bad days.  We had an AWFUL winter...back to back ice and snow storms.  Getting her out and about was impossible also I was several months pregnant.  We did the best we could, that is for sure.
When I gave birth and was away for a week, she learned how to move around on her own by dragging herself, which was bittersweet...almost like she gave up on walking, it was too hard on her.
We got a Help Em Up harness and did water therapy.  Again, good days and bad days.
We had the entire summer together and I was home the entire time.
During my pregnancy I was ordered out of work in November so Sterling had a lot of one on one attention together during her last year.
After a few weeks after the baby was born, she came around to being a big sister and it was nice to see. 
When motherhood took a toll on me in the early months, I would have her to take on a walk (in her Eddies Wheels wheelchair).
In August, she started pooping in the house...without realizing it.

She was suffering from DM which is degenerative mylopothy, of which there is no cure.
No proven treatment.
No cure.

Her body started shutting down slowly.  She was developing anxiety when I would leave.  She was becoming less and less of a dog.

As I saw her body shut down, I sat on the morning of September 11th, looking at her in a diaper under the table with her bowls of food and water just laying there...tired.  I thought, what am I doing?

After reading how this disease works, I knew I couldn't allow it to creep up to the point where she no longer could breathe.

I helped her over the Rainbow Bridge that evening.  By far, the hardest thing I have ever done.  Seemingly impossible.  A part of me is now in heaven with her. 

This Christmas was tough...very tough.  I have to say though, my mom brought Sterling "home" as they had her at their house...I wasn't ready, on Christmas eve.  Since then, I have a sense of peace and have not cried. 

I just wanted to share about Sterling before I really got back to blogging since there is a big hole in our family now.

It gets better each day.  I feel that I did the right thing at the right time, but still doesn't negate that I miss her so much.